Jun 20

 Worked through the morning for much longer than I wanted to. 

Released went ahead but only after half a dozen serious problems were fixed mid release by myself.

This constitutes yet another serious failure to basically get anything done.

Andy was not happy I was working on my day off.

This is the second time that the PM has seriously taken the piss - and unless Andy is telling lies - it's not Andy that is pushing for this. The PM needs some serious fucking steering to basically not be a prick and ride roughshod over what should be basic rights and courtesy.

This is slightly surprising in someone who has a lot of professional experience, but then again, probably has little experience in actually properly managing something in regards to people.

It blows my mind just how shit people can be at jobs. I am never at a loss for examples of cock ups and general douche baggery.

Ho hum.

Meeting next week to address a whole bunch of shit, one of which will be, kicking the PM into line. I have taken this on myself. It seems of late I am more shifting into a knocking heads together and listing out expectations. Where once I would let people do as they please, I seem to have stopped doing that and stepped finally in a role of, OK, and we aren't doing that shit anymore, we're going to be doing shit this way. Has to be done.

So the plan today was to go to the coast.

But I ended up too tired. And too wracked by "symptoms". Working in the morning definitely did not help, and I was burning hard to get shit sorted. This tired me out very quickly, so that by the time the afternoon rolled around and I was done with work, I crashed fairly hard.

I have spent the larger part of the day dipping between feeling truly terrible and feeling kinda ok, but always wrapped up in a lot of pain.

As the evening has drawn to a close all the symptoms have loosened their grip, the pains have retreated to a mild grumble, and it feels like I can breathe a bit again.

Shit is weird yo.

My symptoms absolutely flare hard and then fade, it is very peculiar.

Going to see how I do tomorrow and then perhaps try for the beach again, although, I have kinda realised in a stupid way, that taking the piss by walking on sand with my shitty right foot could well be the most idiotic thing I can do. Ah. Yeah. Didn't really think about that.

No news on the boxer adoption. I think as it turns out I sent an email rather than filling out the adoption form. I think they've ignored me. That's ok. Today has been a stark lesson in why my health is nowhere near good enough to take care of a dog. It's not just the walking that would be an issue. It's everything that ends up pinning me in place in bed. No fun for a young energetic doggo. I am way too inactive.

I absolutely wish that it weren't so. But it is. Perhaps. I can get better and get there. I super doubt it. Fantasy. But unless I do. It's clear I can't really have a dog anymore.

Sigh.