Jun 28

 I've been getting some very hardcore dips in the last few days whenever I eat something during the day.

This is not exactly new territory. I frequently get this, sometimes, with absolutely awful results ( ie that Sunday lunch with the most horrible and weird waves of heat ). I am not clear what it is. But this is part of the whole, Hey Something Is Fucked With My Gastro Since December 2020.

I've been crashing out hard and feeling suddenly tired and awful with my eyes bruising up nicely.

Uh huh.

I've been eating smaller and smaller amounts, but it seems, the problem is triggering on smaller and smaller amounts too. So. Uh huh.

Pretty sure it isn't a blood sugar thing, though I haven't tested my blood sugars in forever. I can eat something like an apple - no problem. I can even eat something like a cheeky Kit Kat - no problem.

I eat lunch. And boom. 

Ho hum.

Weirdly, it has less of an impact the later I eat. Ish.

Ho hum.

Docs appointment in 5 or so weeks. I will bring it up then as the Next Thing To Tackle.

CPAP machine arrived today.

I have mixed feelings about it.

On the one hand it could help a whole bunch.

On the other hand it could make no difference whatsoever but in the process eliminate one of the Big Hopes that if not me, then a lot of other people seem to be pinning their expectations on. And if it fails. It's not good. Sure. You get to cross another thing off the list. But. It means the issue is nastier.

I'm also not in love with the whole mechanical weirdness of it. That, slow march into a grave where now I am needing fucking medical equipment just for a daily basis dealio. And how that pins me in place sleep wise. I know. To some people. Not a big deal. To me. It feels like a tightening noose. Apparently I really don't do well with restrictions.

So. Mixed feelings. And to be honest. Most of those feelings are negative.

If nothing else, and all other things being absolutely wonderful, it would be a clear mark of hey, you're old and you're fucked.

But mostly it's the finding out bit I am unhappy with. The finding out that it doesn't work - or doesn't work to a significant degree is going to be something of a kick in the teeth. Even though. I don't expect it too. And even though, I'd rather not be dependent on it.

Oh well.

I've read through all the instructions and bullshit, tried on a bunch of different masks. My beard complicates things. As does the fact I generally don't breathe through my nose ( hell, I'd guess at least a third of the time I can't breathe through my nose even if I wanted to - blocked up, closed, whatever ). As it turns out there are masks for noses - preferred if you have facial hair - bigger masks for noses, full masks, and then all of that in different sizes. Knowing which is what and what works best is, eh, tricky. Hence they sell the "fit packs" with a bunch of sizes in there for you to try. The UK based apnea charity did say I could drive to them for a mask fitting. In Hull. Over a four hour car journey away. Yeah. No. So I need to experiment at home with it. I have tried them all on several times and think I've got where I want to be with it. But we will see. The attached guidance and instructions makes a big deal of leakage and getting a good fit, which makes sense. But is a little dented by the fact there are two large holes in the front of the mask. So. Surely that's going to be the biggest gap ? Why the flap about leakage and beard problems elsewhere then ? I checked and double checked this. The mask(s) definitely have two large holes you can stick a screwdriver through unimpeded. No valves. Vents. Or otherwise. Just a hole. Ok.

I guess I give it a go and see how I do.

Be optimistic. It might address a whole bunch of stuff ( but it's definitely not going to address stuff like my shitty drops after eating ), and, furthermore, it might be I only need it off and on. On when I feel myself drooping. Off when I feel better.

That's the most optimistic take.