Jul 17
Shitty sleep yesterday, noodled through some work, and then decided, despite not feeling great, to take myself off to some games in the evening at the pub.
The evening was nice, I didn't crash out - neither did I overstay for too long, and it was good.
Except.
Today I have paid a heavy price for it. Everything has flared pain wise. And my right foot has fucked up again. I am back to hobbling around on it - I am desperately hoping it doesn't get worse and push me back to crutches. But. I think it's heading that way.
To be clear, I felt fine when I came home. I watched a movie after I came home, also felt fine. Went asleep feeling fine. No pains.
5 hours later everything was wrong. As if that 5 hour period of sleep had suddenly done massive damage all over.
Uh. Huh.
Sigh.
I rolled back over to sleep, nursing all my wounds. Please go away. Please go away.
They didn't. And my right foot got worse.
I dreamed at length of an old work crush. Meeting her and her bazillion kids. The same relationship. A very real and close connection. That never gets committed to. Just. Left there. Fizzing. The dream was a mix of the old reality and the new. I know over the years she's had a bunch of kids, the last one in her mid 40's. A career mom at this point. We were close at one point. I never pushed it. And she always hesitated. Never knew why. She instead went for a series of no neck bad boy bouncers, who, treated her like shit. Until she settled for a no neck truck driver. This was some of my formative lessons on the choices that people make. And that some women often say one thing, and do another. Where are all the good guys ? Proceeds to date a bunch of badboy douchebags. Sometimes this gets referred to in popular terms as the "I can fix him" issue. Personally. In my experience it's not that at all. It's just that for some - many in fact - that kind of shitty dude is very appealing. Then they moan about how shitty they are. I think its a case of wanting your cake and eating it too. It is one of many hypocritical paradoxes that is part of being human. In fact at this point, I would say, saying one thing and doing another is a quintessential part of humanity.
In any case. The dream left me feeling alone and isolated. On the outside looking in. Which is mostly where I always end up, even if at times, there are periods where this isn't the case.
Read through an article today about long covid. Was interesting. Also very familiar. There's still a real problem in getting the medical universe to acknowledge shit is going on. Whilst in others research is being done and people are clued up. It's a pity that Doctors and the frontline medical profession are often so cynical and patronising of people and problems, rather than accepting of information and also the admittance that they might not know how to deal with something. Arrogance. No matter how well you're funded, the very common through all the ages "God Complex" that can arise in Doctors is always a potential.
Here's the article.
Work continues to be a problem, but for changing reasons. It seems our biggest client is in the process of a slow meltdown. They can't handle their scale change, and their IT processes are just failing under the strain. To be clear this is not a machine fault. This is humans in the process continually dropping the ball and fucking things up. Change is required. I have prepped both Andy and our PM for a meeting tomorrow with them. A list of issues and their real world cases. My fear is the client is unwilling and or unable to change, and calamity awaits. I also had a plan for that however. The first plan is the nice way. The second plan is the nasty way. Whatever else happens, we are forewarned. But it's not good. The client have tied themselves in knots over the years. Partly because of growing pains. Partly because of incessant micromanagent poisoning everything. They are our only problem client like this. Singular. Which tells you a lot.
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