Sep 28

 Ok.

It's not the painkillers.

Last night and today I have felt absolutely terrible - despite taking painkillers. Pains all over. Submerged in an ill feeling I am hard pressed to properly describe, sluggish, ill, full of pains, bad eyes, the whole thing.

I think. Unless it's a coincidence, it's all down to what I eat. Or rather. How much I eat.

Yesterday I missed eating at normal points, and couldn't be bothered to make myself something, so, after a week or so of eating very minimally, got myself a pizza.

And it made me feel terrible.

It's also the first time I have felt full hunger wise all week.

For whatever reason I think if I eat until I am full it fucks me up hardcore. This is something I've picked up on before but wasn't sure what was going on.

I think the reason I have generally felt better - despite the gouty foot - has been because I have been very careful about what I am eating, and also eating very minimally ( was losing 1lb a day for reference, not great but it is what it is ). 

Not sure what it means. Nothing good I'm sure.

So perhaps, yet again, another defensive step back, I can't afford to eat much. Eat small. Eat careful. See how I do.

The difference between today and yesterday was night and day.

Today it has felt like I haven't slept properly. Exhausted. And given I was feeling ok after sleeping of late, the difference is really noticeable. In fact today I was appalled at how bad I was, and realised this is how I was all the time. Awful.

Perhaps it's an allergic reaction. But. That would be new so far as pizza goes. Although again, it would start to swirl the pot of suspicion over all things wheaty. Bread. Pasta. Pizza. So far the last on that list has never caused me issue.

The other change I've made in the last week or so was trying out plain rice cakes as a small pill accompaniment instead of my usual wholemeal crackers. I am careful about taking pills, particularly ibuprofen as they can be pretty harsh on your stomach especially with repeated use, and my stomach is already fucked. So I always make sure to eat a little something with a pill. An apple. A cracker. A yoghurt. But usually it's a cracker. Just on a very mild hunch I figured I would check out possibly something even more benign - rice crackers. Plain, unadorned. Not something you're eating because you want to. But something to eat with a pill. So the last week or so I have been super low on wheat. 

It's difficult to tell if any of the above is at cause, or whether it's just a random flare up of my bullshit.

There definitely seems to be a correlation though between how much I eat and how well I feel. A proper sized dinner is a 50:50 proposition for me. A small dinner is largely ok. A big dinner never fails to have shit consequences.

I think my next objective will be to long term eat small, avoid wheat. Even pizza. See how that goes. It will suck if true, but, at least it will be something I can work with. As ever. Experimenting on myself with little help from any disinterested health professional.