Sep 3

The exhaustion is killing me at the moment.

At times I am pinned in bed. It is the worst it has ever been. A lot of things are the worst they've ever been. 

Perhaps it's a side effect of the anti biotics ? They're definitely the cause of giving me the perpetual shits at the moment.

Poppy is here. Getting her here was a minor grievance. I am not much fun for her I fear. I get up and feed her and then go back to bed. Rinse and repeat. With a treat thrown in somewhere around there too. Sometimes she snuggles with me. Most of the time she does her own thing.

I am barely functional. Even holding my arms on my chest is an effort. They want to slump back down.

I guess this is hardcore CFS. The can't walk out the door CFS.

At times I can rouse myself. Usually in the evening. I can stay upright. Get something to eat.

It doesn't last. And the daylight hours are a horror.

I have again looked over the advice with dealing with CFS.

All of the above is well within the ballpark of CFS. Not being able to get out of bed. Requiring a lot of sleep. Not refreshed. Bouts of being a bit better. Bouts of being worse. Setbacks. The difficulties of it mentally.

I suppose there is a little comfort in there. Without particularly realising it, I am treading the worn path of someone with CFS. As much as I hate that diagnosis. As much as I think its a shitty vague thing that surely can't really properly apply to me. It kicks my ass over and over. And as the CFS specialist said, reads in me like a textbook. I suppose that's also part of the mental difficulties of it. Coming to terms with it.

I must remind myself where I am with it. And not to lose all hope.

Easier said.

And I dare say the antibiotics, as no doubt important as they are, are doing my fatigue no favours at all. Having the shits all the time is going to be an additional energy burden. I need to remember to keep hydrated.

But it's not just the exhaustion. It's everything. The usual. The sudden swelling of feet. The dizzies even in bed. The nausea. The restless legs have also been an absolute killer this last week. Also the worst they've ever been.

Sigh.

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