Nov 13

 1 AM. Feeling a bit better. Again. Today I ate something a bit more proper. Some rice with vegetables and a grilled chicken thigh.

I think I have maybe figured out what's going on with me at the moment.

One, my exhaustion et al is much worse. Probably because of the other two things.

My sleep apnea is biting hard. Probably because of the other thing.

The final thing. Pretty sure I have yet another stomach ulcer. Or whatever close approximation to it I have. The thing that recurs every 3 to 6 months.

The stomach problem is pretty nasty - when I lie down and sleep for anything over an hour it fucks me up. Today there have been definite reminisces of when everything was on fire inside me nearly 4 years ago. Same kind of feeling. But not as intense. The nausea however is worse. Plus. Sleeping on one side is worse than the other. Both are fairly shit. But one side is worse.

Ok.

So. Ulcer.

I am not taking any NSAIDs. No Ibuprofen. No aspirin. I know from experience any kind of iffy stomach and you stop those things.

Second. Eat less. But not too much less. Me eating way less recently has probably exacerbated the ulcer. Too much stomach acid. That being said. I have been taking antacids. Which sometimes helps.

Next. PPIs. I do have some PPIs left over from the last medicated bullshit. However. I have also contacted the GP today - I am not expecting shit from them, but I am making an effort. If they do nothing - likely - I will take my PPIs under my own cognisance. I don't have a lot of them, but I have enough for a few weeks, which will be better than none. Hopefully the GP just prescribes me more of those anyway.

Lastly. Taking anti histamines. Which can help with ulcers a little as it tones down the immune response.

I dare say when I go to sleep this evening, tomorrow will be the same, feel awful, nausea. But. I have a plan. I have an idea of what's going on. Pace myself. See how we do.

I wish I could get timely and useful medical assistance. The NHS is like doing everything on your fucking own.

The news was full yesterday of an 11 year old from Yarmouth that ended up dying because of appendicitis. The investigation was tepid about the failings of the NHS. It took the girl something like 2 weeks to die, the NHS response was slow, confused, and she ended up dying. And of course. The initial GP response ? Have You Tried Fucking Off And Dying. Which wasted 3 days before the parent called again for a "second opinion".

None of the report surprises me in the least.

Reaping as you sow. The initial shit GP responses are standard. Sadly the Have You Tried Fucking Off And Dying seems to be the standard reaction, and I guess for many cases it's a safe bet. Either the person will get better by themselves, or deteriorate, at which point they'll probably come back with something worse, and then you can decide whether to do anything or just kick the can down the road again. Of course the problem with that strategy is you are not really doing your job, and rolling the dice about whether something is critical or quickly escalates beyond the laissez faire approach can cope with. And in this case I think that critical period of 3 days at the start would have been the difference between her living and dying - let alone all the faffing and shit responses afterwards.

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-14071501/Schoolgirl-died-doctors-missed-appendicitis-inquest.html

The NHS does just enough not to be criminal.

Last week it was about a 9 year old girl who died from Sepsis having been sent home by the GP because "the hospital was full".

I am beginning to think that having the NHS in its current state is worse than having nothing. But surely, it does some good right ? Yes. But. When your house is on fire, and you have no fire extinguisher, you know to get out, call for help. But when you do have an extinguisher, but unbeknown to you it's useless, you become complacent in thinking that you are covered. Safe. Lose time chasing a pointless service. And that's the thing. The NHS masquerades as a health service. In some cases it is no such thing. Empty. Not there. But society complacently assumes its covered. There is no need to think of providing another service. You already have one. The lifeboat that doesn't exist.

Meh.

They need to fucking sort the NHS shit out, not just shower everyone with money - yet again. Labour did that last time. And it achieved fuck all except massively inflated GP salaraies, and half of them retiring with decent pensions. Good job. Money on its own does nothing.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Feb 29

 Anxiety is still riding very high. It's sketching me into weird corners and avoidances. Don't like being out of my bedroom. Don't like being away from my bed. Everything is a tangible holding of breath until I can go back to bed. Very sketchy. I am doing something to try not to give into the rampant mini phobias popping up, but, I'm also giving in at times and just retreating to my hole. And sleeping. Today I dropped off my overnight blood ox monitor. I did a bunch of "anti" things that I reckoned would trigger more the worse end of my sleeping spectrum, and it kinda worked. I woke up at 4am groggy and out of it. I dozedly checked my blood ox. 97%. Perhaps it means nothing. Perhaps it means it's not blood oxygen and sleep apnea. I went back to sleep. Anxiety smothering me I went out to drop off the monitor. Outwardly. I just did it. Inwardly, screaming, don't go out, don't go out, I don't want to go out. A sense of dread. A sick feeling. Awful...
Read more

May 9

 Athenas back left leg is limp. Lifeless. Just. Gone. Her right one is only vaguely there, still trying to walk a bit at times. But. No strength. Folded. We have got her up a few times today, to drink, pee, poo. She has got accustomed to being carted around in a sling, her front legs still working. She still looks up. Wants to know what you're eating. She is, as she ever has been, still Athena. Still interested. Still awake. And tomorrow at 11am I take her to put her to sleep. Her legs are gone. Not just an overdid it. They are gone. I do not know or understand how they suddenly went from fine to not fine in 15 minutes. But it has happened. And they show no signs of reversing. Today I made the stupidly hard and fucked up and awful decision to put her to sleep tomorrow. I have crucified myself over it. Today ? Tomorrow ? Monday ? Next week ? Tomorrow. There is no hope. She will not recover. And I will have to snuff out her good life, her beautiful soul, full of curiousity and confid...
Read more

Nov 6

 Wake up at 8.20AM with the sound of next door replacing their bathroom. I cannot begin to describe how deathly awful I feel. Shit scraped from the bottom of the barrel. I check the laptop. Set it up for work. And then collapse back to sleep. I worked for some hours last night. I felt a little better, so, I worked. Midday. Awake again. I come out of a horrible horrible place. Everything aches. My eyes are sealed shut with gunk. A wincing pain somewhere around my stomach like a squeeze accompanies my waking. I often get this now. I feel utterly terrible. I have run out of options and coping strategies. So Trump wins with a fairly convincing win. What's the message ? America really hates women presidents ? If nothing else it's clear a large part of the US is fine with all that Trump represents. It was always going to be this way, if not now then soon. The rump of the US is morally bankrupt, happy to occupy a devoid of principles space, large on religious bigotry and hate. The US ...
Read more