Nov 27

 Today I took work off to have lunch with a friend. Albeit. I did actually work in the morning.

I ended up sleeping a little, 1am to 4.30 am, then unable to sleep, ended up working until 10am before finally sleeping.

This whole time schedule was undoubtedly a mistake, but, it's not like I am in control of it at this point.

I woke up at midday to get ready for lunch... the worst I have ever been. I should have taken a photo. I looked appalling. And groggy. Foggy. Ill. The lot. 

Nevertheless I ignored it all, I was just going to push through everything, to the point of collapse. As long as I wasn't collapsed I was going to keep going.

So went out for lunch. It was nice. Took me hours to warm up. But eventually I felt a bit better. We chatted about this and that, work, family, health. Nice.

My lunch wiped me out. Overly full, incredibly tired. So got home and crashed for hours.

Woke up. Slowly warmed up.

This is absolutely my reality now. Crashing out. Slow to wake up. Clearly shit is incredibly fucked.

I meant to rebook my GP appointment, but I crashed hard, so, didn't get to it. Ironic.

I will give it a go tomorrow. Who knows when the fuck they will be able to give me an appointment.

So currently I am still off of all pills. Zero zip nada. My gout meds are also done at this point. This should, in theory, be the best thing for my ulcer.

There are risks to running on zero meds. Not least of which is that my mentals will spiral out, but so far, my mentals are ok. Well. As ok as they ever are. And as ever, in the short term my mood is actually doing a little better - the lifting of the mood suppression works both ways.

Also because I'm off the mental meds the libido has jumped back up. I am old. And ill. But. The libido has gone from zero, dead on arrival, to back online. Uh huh. Which typically makes me happier.

The ways and fuckiness of meds.

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