Nov 5

 Rough. Very rough.

Hazel has been staying for a few days whilst the fireworks go on. It has been overall very quiet around my way firework wise. Hardly anything, and then, only some very distant pops. Poppy has been chilled. So mission accomplished I guess. Overall Poppy is struggling badly with her leg now. It's not good. It comes and goes a little, which implies some arthritis, but, something odd goes on with her shoulder. It sticks out. Feels almost like a break and a heal. I don't know. She limps badly on it at times. If it were me, I'd get her an x ray. But it's not.

I've been doing pretty shit the last few days. More of the same really. Whatever ails me is kicking my ass hard. It's getting worse. Today I have taken an impressive 16 hours to get to a place where I can operate at least somewhat like a shit human. Some 14 hours of sleep. 2 hours of trying to warm up. It's not good. Severe aches across my torso. My eyes are a mess of stinging, irritation, inflamed. Black eyes. Exhaustion. Nausea. Raging tinnitus. Tics on my left hand side.

Some of the usual suspects then.

Ho hum.

It's ok. It's not unforeseen at all that I decline. Expected in fact.

A pity about the suffering whilst it happens.

Same old story.

I guess in some ways I am the canary in the cage. A possibly vague undiagnosed auto immune disorder slowly progressing. I am the Unknown Example. Before maybe they figure out what it was. History is replete with such medical stories. In fact. That's how it works. Problems. People die. At some point. Maybe. They figure it out. And offer aid. Until then. Not so good.

It's probably not wheat.

I am still on low or zero wheat diet. Doesn't seem to make a great deal of difference. Sometimes it seems to. Sometimes it doesn't seem to.

Yesterday with no little amount of effort I managed to finally carry out my blood test. Clear of painkillers for a few days. Did the test. Arranged pick up. It's off via the courier now. Maybe it shows something. Maybe it shows nothing. Either way is a result. Of course you can get false positives. And .. true negatives ? IE, it might not be definitive and miss things or pick up things that aren't really there. But. It's something.

Ironically I am getting to the point where I am too ill to do further tests. At least on my own cognizance. I think past this point, I'd have to be in hospital zonked out.

Perhaps it's also not a huge coincidence that where I have tapered off my anti inflammatory doses, so I have felt much much worse. The nature of inflammation. Keep it in check, you do better. Let it loose you suffer. At its worst, at an increased age, it can be a killer. I suspect, I am feeling it bite hard.

The root of the supposed chronic inflammation remains vague.

I think at the very least, I need to take anti inflammatories before workdays to have even a chance of being productive. I skipped them again yesterday. I have been almost non productive today apart from helping a few of the guys with their technical queries. It's not good.

Were I more comfortably off I would fully retire at this point. Not out of happy choice. Out of health necessity.

But, as it is, soldier on, hope for a better day.

Today is election day in the US. I think pretty clearly one of those pivotal moments in US history where the two paths have incredibly different consequences for the years ahead. A sliding doors moment. Perhaps very arguably it doesn't really matter in so much as it's just a function of time that the US slips into a darker age. If not today. Then next time.

On a very stupid whim I have placed a bet on the US election outcome.

Betting is a fools game.

Don't do it. The house always wins. If betting as a punter were a great way to earn income, there wouldn't be any book makers, no casinos and betting wouldn't be a thing.

Nevertheless.

I have strayed from my usual life time of non betting to take a stupidly large punt on the US election.

Call it whim based on a friendly bet a friend had. Call it a small level of desperation to actually feel something other than being ill all the time. Sticking your finger in the plug socket to see if you're still alive. Not dead yet.

I say stupidly large. It depends on your context. To some it wouldn't even register. To others it would be a months salary. It depends how much cash you have floating about.

To repeat.

Betting is a fools game. And no matter my circumstances, I am not about to bet my house on something.

On the other hand.

I have enough money.

I doubt I will last more than a few years more at most ( famous last words ).

I can afford to burn a bit of money. Just to see if I'm alive.

If I win, I won't keep it for myself. I will give it away in some form or another.

Probably a major chunk of it spent on providing Hazel with driving lessons.

I know.

But eh.

Rather stupidly perhaps I have bet on Kamala to win. Really I should have bet on Trump to win. This would hedge the feeling of despair and outrage at the orange turd being voted in, with a small silver lining of making some money. As it is. All hopes now pin on Kamala.

Anywho.

As far as I am concerned, the money is already burned never to be seen again. That's ok. And if she does win - and I think she will - then I get a bit of money to make other peoples lives a bit better.

No saving me.

Maybe I can do a bit of help for others.

Such a martyr.

Or is it just realistic.

Been watching the Fargo series of late in my better moments. Really enjoyable. I liked the original film. By and large I really enjoy Coen brothers stuff. A few misfires. But mostly excellent stuff, really very good indeed. The series - all 5 of them - is inspired, or rather, takes its aesthetics and tone from the film, but are different stories. The Coens are only exec producers for it. So. At a very long distance. Which means the series could be hit or miss. As it turns out. They're great. Really good. So I'm enjoying that. Just started series 4. I think I could watch something like that for a very long time without getting bored. The stories are compelling, well acted, very well directed, surprising at times. Just. Top tier. In an age of so much mediocre streamed bullshit, something with a bit of quality stands very tall indeed.

I've had a change of heart with my glasses.

I was going to take them back and get a different pair. But. Eh.

They do work. They're pretty good. At everything but computer work. I don't know why. Reading is fine. Doing things on a table is fine. Trying to code on a laptop - shit. But why ? The focal distance is about the same. Details are about the same ? Perhaps its a backlit screen ? I don't know. If. Big if. I get some energy and have a more stable, less shit day or two, I might go in for a chat with them and ask what that's about. Why are computer screens shit, but text on paper fine ? And also get yet another pair of glasses for short range. At this point I have so many pairs of glasses, it's not even funny.

Roll on tomorrow.

Hopefully Kamala will have won. More likely the US will have descended into some farcical hillbilly led civil war, with beer cans, red hats, fat bellies and shotguns. I somehow doubt the result will be available tomorrow. There will be screams and tears and lawsuits.