Dec 11

 Slightly better day today. Which is something I suppose. Although of course I crashed out half way through and went to bed at 4pm. Because of course.

The nausea has been considerably better today. The rest of it. Eh. Meh. Not so much. I've not done shit except rest, which helps. I think I am just going to take the next few days to rest and not do a hell of a lot.

I answered a couple of Q's for work today, no big deal. Ostensibly I am still in zero to low working mode. In theory I am due the time off anyway.

So after mulling over the Hazel situation I've decided to help out. Not a little of this decision has been after listening to a couple of friends advice. One who advocated cutting her off in no two ways, and one who acknowledged how difficult that choice was, that it wasn't fair of her, but that you knew what you were getting with her ie, expect fuckery. A key unintuitive thing he said was to be "selfish", and pay to help, because not paying to help would probably make me feel bad, particularly about an innocent mutt suffering. And it was probably just easier to give the money up. I countered that the easiest life of all was to just get mugged and hand over your wallet and be on your merry way, but I wasn't sure if that was a good thing.

Anyway. I have agreed to "help out with costs".

But. Its not gone without comment on my end which I wont super get into other than to say, I was not mean or judgey, I have pulled her up on it being a charge for "an x ray", because that's just going to be the start of a process and not the end and it's very clear I will likely be on the hook for all of it. If you're being generous you can say she hadn't thought of that. If you're not, you can say she is being disingenous and manipulative and that I've called her out on it up front. Sadly she does have form for the latter in prior behaviour. Also I have noted this is surely something she should be talking to her long time boyfriend about. Why is it I am in a financial relationship with her, and not, her boyfriend ? And also I don't see how she is ever paying off this "loan". Given she doesn't pay shit off. Ever. And has a CCJ to prove it. In fact the only time she has paid a debt off, is when I gave her the money to do so.

I am aware it doesn't look good.

Nevertheless.

I will help. But. I think. Sadly. At this point. Our relationship no matter what is going to change for the worse from this point on.

She has in response to all this, gone offline and radio silent.

Uh huh.

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