Dec 14

 Very ill last night. Nausea is now waking me up from sleep, and I can't get rid of it lying down. I just have to wait it out.. for hours.. major nausea last night, and some stabbing pains. Just have to turn over and ignore it.

Not good.

The rest of me nausea wise is not doing good either. Eyes are a mess again. Tinnitus has screeched up. The face crawling has started up again. Gout is grumbling in the background, exhaustion, the shakes, and on, and on.

My mentals are collapsing. I am back on my mental meds. Maybe or maybe not in the nick of time. My anxiety is spiking, and I am getting very sketchy mentals throughout a day, verging on panics, and just that general "madness" of split second thoughts that go instantly sideways - hard to describe. It's just quicker to say bonkers. My physical health is absolutely sketching me out hardcore mentally speaking.

I am doing my best with it. Trying not to overthink it. Trying to just rest. And being optimistic that the mental meds will settle the mentals down a bit, and hopefully my nausea just gets slowly better over time, and in any case I get to see a GP on the 24th.

In the meantime, between all the horrors, I am trying to maintain a little routine. I am trying to stay awake at least, if not out of bed. Trying to cook something in a day. Trying to get out into the fresh air everyday.

Very rough ride.

I am on the edge of losing it. But trying my best.

Today dinner wise I am making chicken, vegetables and rice. This is something I typically fall back on as no brainer one pot ninja dinner. But today I am going about it a little differently, and roughly following guidance from the Fallow head chef dude. As it turns out their "killer rice" is basically the same as my savoury rice I do. Not a big shock I suppose, the core is the same for a bunch of related dishes, from Mexico to Spain. We shall see if their way of doing it makes any difference to the taste at the end ( I suspect not ).

3pm. I am kinda giving up for the day, and giving in to sleep. I struggle to make it past 4 hours awake. Everything past that tends to be torturous. I need to sleep so much.

If anything the nausea has been a bit lighter today after last nights bad bout. But it's still not good.

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