Dec 16

 Better day yesterday. No nausea for the entire day. The relief this was and the difference it made was huge. I felt fragile. But. Not having the constant blegh feeling was amazing.

So I actually sat up, played some games rather than being forced to be in bed all day.

As soon as I went to sleep the nausea was back. Woke me up. Unlike the last few days this was not accompanied by a feverish type feeling and all the rest. I tried ignoring it and rolling over, only for it to come back worse. Gulped down some antacid and that seemed to do well enough to let me get back to sleep and stay there.

Today, the nausea is back. I've had worse. But it's there, making everything feel shit, harder to concentrate, leeching every bit of motivation into a just leave me alone feeling.

Big anxiety spike this morning in the early hours as my body decided that maybe now would be a good time to kickstart. I tried just being chill with it. This is likely the cortisol kicking in. Just. Chill. Let it pass. Go back to sleep. Slowly it subsided. But not great.

Anxiety has been massively up very recently. Not surprising. Also given how anxious I was about going out last week. Everything is a cause of anxiety. It's a sign that my mentals are really struggling. I think my mental meds are slowly straightening me out however. And some rise in anxiety is not uncommon for a kick back onto them.

I think time is just the "cure" here. Well. Time and peace.

Only half way through December and I am already dreading January and getting back into work and yada. I can feel how much time I need to do anything. December seems very short. And also. Very long.

My mentals. Sketchy.

Eh well.

Still. All being said, I have had worse days than today. Hopefully, with a fully clear nausea day yesterday, it's a bit of a signal that I've reached a turning point. Certainly it would track time wise for something like an ulcer. Maybe it's finally started to heal in a meaningful way. But. I suspect. I have something more than that going on. A recurring problem, same place, same thing. Who knows.

I am going to do my best on the 24th with the GP to convey the seriousness of what I'm going through.

Who knows what the outcome will be.

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