Dec 18

 The nausea has subsided a lot. It pops up now and again during a 24 hour period, but, it does seem like it's finally on the way out. Time wise, it would be around six weeks start to finish. Which would put it slap bang around the time for an untreated peptic ulcer.

My anxiety on the other hand has gone through the roof. Each day is a constant high strung moment where every other thought can be an inspiration of fear and uncertainty. I can also feel it in my limbs, that oh so typical high stress, high anxiety, depression "weight". My mental state is poor. But. I think it's moving in the right direction, albeit very slowly.

My sleep is also continuing to be a challenge, the push to have weird sleep hours is very strong as I require many hours of sleep and where i don't feel well at the best of times, the tendency to help it with sleep means a regular sleep schedule is very difficult. Despite that I am still, just about, keeping to some kind of normal schedule, albeit I am up at the crack of dawn.

The apnea comes and goes and just makes everything more difficult to deal with. I turned over this morning on waking up way too early, and the next bout of sleep proved to be an oxygen starved one, I woke up feeling groggy and rough.

I am doing my best to deal with it all. Keeping a little busy where I can to keep the anxiety at bay somewhat, even though everything screams in me to do nothing, curl up in a ball.

It's a fight. A hard one. I have to continually ignore my instincts and do things that I think are better for me mental state.

I am kinda hoping I don't get a call from the hospital before Xmas. Of course, the fact I could have that happen at any moment is.... a source of anxiety. Now my nausea seems to be clearing, and my hours seem to roughly be the right way around, I am not in a great state, but, I am probably in a better state than otherwise for my surgery. Getting surgery done in my state is really difficult. I just can't maintain being well enough to pull it off. Last time I was in there I nearly passed out prior. Eh well.

Docs on the 24th. At this rate the nausea will be gone by then. It has taken the nhs 5 weeks to see me. IE about the length of time an ulcer is going to heal... or go even further tits up.