Dec 2

 I seem to be getting worse, not better.

Each day I am going through a horrible period where I feel truly awful, I can't even begin to describe it, and this period takes up the majority of the hours in a day, and, is almost always centered around sleep.

The absolute worst of it is around the third hour or so of sleep. If I happen to wake up around then, I can't even describe it. Ill to the soles of my feet. Heavy. Sluggish. A "buzz". The buzz is all encompassing. It has some parallels with how you feel when you are very flu ridden. That hot, ill, feverish state. But, it's not that. Take away the fever. Add more "buzz". Double down on the sluggish ness. I don't know. There are so many attributes to it. It's hard to describe other than, you feel super fucking ill.

If I don't wake up, then the ill feeling pervades my sleep. I can feel how shit it is when I am sleeping, pervades dreams, but also, it feels terrible just sleeping. Again. Hard to describe. I can wake just a little, not really properly awake, and you feel how heavy and shit it is, and go back into non wakefulness.

Heh.

I'm doing a poor job at describing it.

So. I am awake. After a verrrry long sleep. I woke up at 9.30pm.

Yeah.

I feel like I have been run over by a truck. Exhausted. Achey. Vaguely flu like, like the remnants of getting better after a flu.

And this is my peak.

Sigh.

GP has got back to me.

Appointment for 24th December.

3 weeks away.

This is why I hardly bother.

A few things in the post today.

Another blood test. The last one fucked up. Apparently. I am getting frustrated with the shitty testing that currently goes on via the private GP. So far everything is very amateur hour, by post, do it yourself, stick it in a bag, hope it goes ok malarkey. DIY healthcare provision. And then get charged hundreds for the privilege. Eh well. It's something I suppose.

Feels like my energy to even maintain some of the things I am doing in life are ebbing away. Writing this blog being one of them. Dwindling. Hardcore.

We shall see.

I will see if I can take some time off work. But. It's not work that is at fault here. Just me.


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