Dec 25

 Christmas, and today hasn't been too bad, but it's definitely had it's better and worse moments.

In hindsight choosing to stay at home this year, burn very little energy, and nurse my ailing health was absolutely the right call. There have been points today where I haven't felt too bad, before soon enough my energy burns out, I feel tired, ill, and need to lie down and be quiet. I think if I had pushed my luck today my health would have absolutely suffered for it. As it is, I feel like it has maintained a bit of a status quo. I've felt far worse. I have obviously felt far better. But all in all, today was ok.

Yesterday in a fit of being social I made sure to ping a whole bunch of people to say hello and wish them a nice day. No comments about my health or shit. Just. Hope you have a nice day. A few did ask. How you doing. Why are you at home. Well. Shit. And because I'm shit. But otherwise. I kept it light.

Today I have noodled around a little with some cooking. First some sausages. Then some potatoes. Despite having done these umpteen times before, this time round I tried something a little different. The sausages in particular came out spectacular. The potatoes were also great, but, I think I overdid the butter in lieu of some kind of animal fat. Not that there was a lot of butter, but I am somewhat sensitive to butter. Not my thing. Nevertless. Tatties were great.

I dunno whether it's the saturated fat. Or the meat. But indulging in more meat yesterday and today than I've had in months cheered me up a little.

Lesser known fact. Consumption of saturated fat is directly tied to how happy you feel. That's not a theory. It's a fact. Your brain rewards you with happy if you indulge in saturated fat. The less you have, the more miserable you get. And vice versa. Of course. What it does to the rest of you is another matter. Of course it's not quite that simple. Some saturated fats have the opposite effect. But. A lot of the existing old school advice that "saturated fat is bad" is out of date, particularly when it comes to stuff like links to depression.

"a compelling new meta-analysis in the Journal of Psychiatry & Neuroscience makes you wonder. It found that low levels of blood cholesterol—potentially caused by inadequate fat in the diet—were associated with a greater risk of being deeply depressed or suicidal. In fact, people with the lowest cholesterol levels had a whopping 112% higher risk of suicidal thoughts.

But why? One theory: Because the brain is 60% fat and about 25% your body’s cholesterol is found there, the brain can’t function optimally without sufficient levels of those nutrients. In fact, some individual studies show that very low cholesterol impairs your ability to effectively synthesize and transport neurotransmitters like mood-boosting serotonin.  " 

Whilst experts are experts, and those with the most experience and credentials should absolutely be taken seriously, it also has to be said that the area of health and diet is an absolute shit show of bad science, out of date data, and hangovers from past mistaken health drives.

Like a lot of things, saturated fat in someones diet is a complex thing, pro's, con's and no free lunches. In my experience of life, I think it starts to come down to picking your poison. No one is getting out of life alive. At least. Not yet.

Anywho.

All this meat. Fatty pork included. In theory could be a red rag to my gout. If it is that. Or. Perhaps like other outings, the gout won't trigger, as it's something else entirely that's going on.

Plans for tomorrow are to take it easy again. I might have a short pop out to be social and get some fresh air depending how I feel. Nothing too far. Just local.

A few intrusive thoughts kept popping into my head today. But they quickly went away. I didn't give them oxygen. The thought that this was my first Christmas alone in... forever. 20 years. But, in the end I was ok. At least for today anyway.

On a bit of a whim today I have ordered a new phone. It's a waste. There is nothing wrong with my old phone. It is in fact, still pretty much state of the art. But. My mobile phone provider have been taking the piss with my billing since I went out of contract. Overcharging me for old rope. It's something that has been going on for many months but I've not been bothered to sort it out. It is in the scale of things, very small potatoes. Nevertheless today I sorted it out, got a new phone, not a huge price increase, and, not that I need it, the best of the best phone. If nothing else, it will mean the battery will be good for another few years.

There is a thing my parents used to say, that money breeds money. I don't have a lot of money. But I am not in debt. And have enough. And it changes things. It's easier to get better deals. Things become, ironically, cheaper. Money does indeed breed money. It is perverse and shouldn't be like that. But it is. I am always mindful of those who are struggling, and help when and where I can. Something my parents never agreed with and abhor. But there it is.

At the moment, every month I keep working is ever better financial security for me and my ill health. I think the overwhelming likelihood is that I will never see the benefit of all the years I have worked. It will end up going to others. Such is the way it is. But on the offchance I do end up sticking around for years upon years. Then. So far. I'm doing ok financially. My situation will degrade over time regardless. But for the moment. Doing ok. Of course. At any moment at this point I could end up not being able to work and my situation will suddenly become difficult. But. Meh. My philosophy is, put kindness into the world. And hopefully. It will come back to you. And even if it doesn't. That's ok.