Dec 5

 Exhausted I have slumped into sleep. Only to immediately fall into a bad sleep pattern again. Finally awake at 10.30pm, at a time when I should be thinking about sleep.

I have rested uneasily, not sure what to do with myself, not feeling well enough to do shit, dithering between attempting to just sleep more, and staying awake. Nothing productive.

Hmm.

Didn't hear anything about the car today, which is a little surprising. It makes me think they haven't started on it today at all, otherwise, there would have been a call about, ok, this isn't working, and this needs doing, and is that ok. Uh huh. I suspect I have slid down the waiting list because I am not being a hassle.

Whatever. I am not hugely fussed beyond just wanting to know exactly when shit will get done, as opposed to do it now. I can wait for the car. Not knowing when it's going to be done however is mildly anxiety inducing - and I then have to hover in a state of permanent alert to see if the garage just called me.

Today... "today"... fucked up.. there is no today or tomorrow, just, "the current period I am awake in", as my notion of days is completely at odds with when I am awake or asleep. Anyway. Today.. "today"... I did actually sit down and spend 10 minutes fiddling with one of my boxes. I had a close look at all the results, and also did a quick test of the UV resin.

I've learned a bunch of things. Notably that the glue varnish layer cannot give me the finish I am looking for. At very best it does eventually form a glass like layer, but it's uneven. And takes multiple coats. It's not a great final form for this work. It is doable. But extremely faffy and the results are variable. At a smaller scale it would be better. Also, not all glue and varnish products are the same. Also also, diluting them very quickly impacts the varnish, but not the glue aspect of it.

A top layer of varnish does little for you. Sure. It makes it shiny. It does not smooth out the finish. Takes multiple coats to build. I can see why you go for a glue varnish layer instead. More volume, quicker.

The UV resin works amazingly well. In 5 minutes flat. Bang. Finish. Smooth. Glass like. But. It's tricky to push it into the correct shape. I need some jury rigged tools I think - just even a sharpened matchstick would do.

I need to underpaint my sand layer. Just to cover any inadvertent gaps or thin spots in sand coverage. This wouldn't be an issue if my sand layer was deeper. But it isn't. And the black finish underneath really punishes even the smallest variation. So. Needs underpainting.

There are a few further things I could test. What it looks like without any cloisonne sand at all - just an underpaint and a resin ( or even glue / varnish ) layer. Not sure. I have a nasty suspicion it probably looks aces. So. Why bother with the cloisonne at all.

Also. I could test just skipping any glue layer at all. Just sand. Then resin. I suspect this would cause some issues, where the interaction of resin on loose sand would make the sand pick up and shift, and you'd get a weird end product. But not necessarily a terrible one. Not sure.

If I am feeling up to it. I might give it a noodle tomorrow.

I am feeling decidely shit all round though. I suspect that the greater shit feeling is actually my mentals being sad and yada blah. Which then makes everything worse.

Anywho.

Hazel finally spoke up yesterday. A brief chat. On how the visit to her Aunts went, and the "surprise" visit by her dad ( very obviously engineered by her dad and aunt ). Things were difficult with her dad. Her step mom did not attend, although she wanted to. Hazel was fairly tight lipped about the whole thing. Which I suspect means she had to accept a few - small - difficult truths about herself. But it would seem at the very least as if the company was tolerated. She said she bit her tongue several times. Uh huh. Probably a good sign. Shit can be difficult. Awful. Unfair. Learning sometimes to just shut up, and roll with the punches is an adult life skill. The trick is knowing when to roll with the punch and when to say fuck you. Hazel is all about the Fuck You camp and very little about rolling with punches. Which exacerbates her getting on with no one. It also doesn't help that she can be incredibly unfair as well. She is very far from a saint. Being in the wrong and telling people fuck you really does tend to spoil the party.

Anywho. Progress made. She has also made moves to get a provisional driving licence finally sent out to her. I am slightly surprised. She has dithered about this for literally years. Like. Before pandemic. That's how long this has taken. She finally seems to be sorting it out though. Probably because of all the bus journeys she has had to make recently and lack of access to anyone with a car. Sobering. I further suspect this is part of her move to the US game plan. Where she will need a driving licence. Kind of. The practicalities of such a plan still escape her. Cost of meds. Healthcare. Need to get a US licence. Job. Zero safety net, either state wise, or savings wise etc. Risky at best. She's gonna do what she's gonna do. Not my first rodeo with that kind of personality type. In any case. I will be needing to sort out some driving lessons for her soon then. Maybe the start of next year. Even if it turns out she doesn't then drive ( because my car is junked and I havent got a new one, or, I have finally decided to vacate the area to a new house ), she will at least have her licence. Which is useful for her.