Jan 11

 Exhaustion kicked my ass hard today. I nearly ended up sleeping all day. Not really because sleep was necessary, but I was just exhausted. A mild malaise. And nausea.

My mood turned downwards, unhappy with how ill I felt, unable to do anything, so very difficult to push myself up and visit the kitchen. Everything hard. Exhausting.

It sucks.

I have done my best not to fret too much about it. It is, just the way it is. The return of nausea everyday is really unwelcome. I was hoping it would just clear off. But apparently not. It is also sucking the life out of me.

This evening I struggled to sit on the computer and play some games, and for a while my mind was taken off it all, and I slipped away to somewhere else. As good as it gets for me these days.

The days wheel past, and I am unable to achieve sweet fuck all. My life just drips away in a twilight state of sleep and non functional short periods of wakefulness.

Meh.

I have been mulling over Our Glorious Leaders plans for the NHS. The whole ship stuff off to private and push fat people and smokers to the end of the queue. It is, to my opinion, a cruel and shitty plan. Devised by someone used to being in a place of punishing people. My friend who would qualify as fat has sacrificed his entire life to be a charity worker. No home of his own, no savings, nothing, he has dedicated himself to helping others less fortunate, in difficult circumstances, kids with handicaps and those of the poorest of society. He has done this without complaint, without asking for anything, at a cost of any kind of comfortable life, particularly in his older age, and here we are, an absolute pillar of the community, who is no joke relied upon by Oxford city councillors, who is on great personal terms with many, under Keirs rules, he would be put last in the queue. Behind thieves. Murderers. Merchant bankers. Scammers. The cruel. The selfish. So long as those people were thin.

Does that sound like a good society ? A fair one ? One that puts peoples welfare first ?

It doesn't to me.

It sounds arbitrary and cruel and utterly stupid, potentially harming the very people you want to champion in society, just because they are fat.

My friend has run a charity for the better part of 30 years. A link in Oxford where kids go when the system cannot cope with them.

This is the problem when you start discriminating willy nilly. Discrimination of any kind is at the very least suspect, and at the worst absolutely horrendous.

So.

The more I think on it.

The more I think I am going to hate Keir. His petty little fucking policies. All about punishing than anything. And his complete sell out to private health care.

Yes the NHS needs reform. And completely overturning. And maybe even just gutting entirely. But this mealy mouthed shitty back door privatisation is the worst of all worlds.

How ironic. The politician I am truly going to hate, is going to end up being a Labour politician, supposedly one of the "better" ones. I fear a mistake has been made. A right wing authoritarian has been voted into power. And I think the UK is going to be worse off for it.

Fuck Keir.

He has dithered for six months with no plan, when his hand is forced to do something his default tendencies come out. Which is a lawyer. Head of the Crown Prosecution Services. He looks for laws that are breached, and crimes to punish, with no worry about private or public services. He is one of the boys. A person to be found within those fancy buildings with their greek columns and old school money, behind doors that say private, no admittance, members only, a long way away from the streets and the people on them. He is to be found within those steeped halls of privilege and power, and absolutely not in front of them with a placard.

I think he would be just as at home in the Tory party as the Labour one. In fact I suspect would probably lean towards Tory than anything given his conservative ( with a small c ) views of the law and justice and being an actual instrument of The System.

I heard a brief snippet of a quote today from a film, about lawyers.

It said.

Civilisation is there to be invented. Not endured.

The meaning of which is, you strive to strike down the unjust laws, the unfairness of the old, and look ahead to make new better laws and rules.

Keir is the type of person who follows what is written. All endurance. And no inventiveness. A dour bureaucrat with no sense of change, just following the written law, be it good, bad, or despicable. Follow the laws. Punish the unworthy. That is who he is. That is what his job was. That's all he fucking knows. A grey authoritarian.

We shall see.

I fear however, the pattern is set. Also. He's going to be such a fucking disaster, that literally anyone after him will seem decent, no matter how bonkers. Which is always dangerous.

Eh well.

The world turns. It seems all round we are in for a phase of madmen and assholes to have a go at the wheel. I doubt our capability to survive it given the headwinds we are facing at the moment.

Reap as you sow.