Feb 17

 My sleep schedule is in shreds. I sleep a little here. Wake up. See some hours of the morning. Then crash. Then have spates of 16 hours of sleep. Wake up evenings, afternoons. Feeling awful. Takes me hours and hours to even start to be able to think straight.

I groan down the stairs. Head full of mush. Feeling ill. Everything hurts. My health has gone so far down this last year. It is shocking. Surely I think. The end can't be far away ? But oh, the suffering just keeps on going.

Today I took Hazel home. I struggled to do this. It was a very steep hill to climb. I zombied upright at 4pm. Then 6pm. And finally gathered some level of capability by 7pm. I felt unwell the whole time.

By the time I got home I was exhausted. I couldn't be bothered eating, knew I should, but gave up. Went to bed. Only to get up 30 minutes later to really pull something quick out of the freezer to eat - a chicken stew in the bottom of the freezer.

By 11pm I had fallen asleep....

Only to wake up at 2.30am. Unable to sleep. Feeling ill. Exhausted. My stomach a sheen of nausea. Everything else about me feeling like it had the flu. Again.

Sigh.

Work tomorrow.

I can't see how I will be in much shape for that.

The house is once more quiet without Hazel or Poppy. No background hum of chatter until the late hours of the morning. No patter of clawed feet. It is at once both nice and awful to have peace again.

I think it's only the prospect of trying to struggle with work at the moment that is keeping me anywhere in the game. If it wasn't for that. I think I'd just slip away at this point. Truly. I feel ill most of the time.

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