Aug 10

 Struggled again today. Down from yesterday. Sluggish. I gave up and had to go back to bed. It sucks. It's also very worrying. I don't know. Somehow I am still here, lingering. I don't want to be here, but at the same time, I don't want lots of pain and fear. Just. Bop me on the head please.

If only it were that easy.

Today my friend, my ex, goes to have surgery. All my positive vibes are bent towards her. I hope she can maintain a sense of zen about it. Difficult to know. For me personally, when I get to that stage, I am just a passenger. Nothing I can do. So. I just get on the ride and watch it go past. Almost a disinterested observer. I know it doesn't always work out like that. Even when I'm being very rational. Sometimes the animal creeps up and decides to dump a massive fear reaction. Ok. We're doing this apparently.

In any case. I hope she does ok with it. And all things go smoothly.

Life can be a bag of shit.

I think in the end all we really have is our connections with people.

I don't know.

Even though I think I have figured out most things about life. It doesn't mean it makes any sense to me.

I am exhausted.

Managed to play some games. Not easy.

And now I am wiped. 

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