Aug 18

 Apnoea kicked in today harder. Woke up groggy and not thinking straight. I am getting better at identifying when my apnoea is bad. It seems to come and go in intensity, like everything else.

Mood has shifted lower today. Sketchy. I can feel the tremors of panic setting in. Anxiety is up. Not good.

Exhaustion wise is not terrible. It's been worse. But like a tag team my mood has taken over now.

Not a great deal of energy. 

I don't want to do anything. Or go anywhere. Or talk to anyone. 

I half watched an old video of me taking Athena for a walk yesterday. Lovely. And sad. My life is in the past. My current life is curled into a ball. Why am I still here ? I am of no use to anyone or anything. Least of all myself. The price of cowardice. The show has ended. But fearful of turning it off. In which case. Suffer. Until you make the right call.

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