Sep 28

 I feel very off. Can't put a finger on it. Everything is off. I feel... vaguely sea sick. Washed out. Exhausted. Slightly feverish. Slightly nauseous. On the verge of collapse. Over stretched.

I dunno. I don't feel good.

Perhaps it is the fallout of me wrestling with sleep patterns. I took my closest swing at it yesterday. Managed to get to 10.30pm before conking out ( good ! ). But then was awake again by 2.30am. Got up. Ate a little. Went back to sleep at 4am. Awake at 8.30am. By my standards. Not enough sleep I guess. So. Maybe that's why I feel shit.

I've also realised that when I'm sleeping a lot I "don't feel the exhaustion and side effects so much", but, on living with for a while I've figured out they absolutely are there. But the sleep masks them a lot. I am still flaking out after a few hours and retreat to bed to sleep. Nap. Doze. Then wake again. I am bouncing in and out of a resting state. But in a day where I am asleep so much, it's harder to spot. But it very definitely is there.

I am sketched out by just how fragile I am. I know. It's not new. None of this is new. But. I don't know. Another one of those struggling to deal with shit moments. A bit of me gets very worried about how shit I am when it becomes very apparent.

Sigh.

So.

Different subject.

One of the issues I have with AIs at the moment is their memory isn't great. They are at the moment like genies in a bottle. But with the memory of a goldfish. This is a symptom of how they are built and function. Whilst in theory, you can give them better memory by increasing their token storage. In practice it doesn't scale. I've actually talked to AIs about this. And how to come up with new ways to breach this. But anywho.

The shorter smaller version of the problem is that the deep dives I sometimes go into with an AI only stay for so long before disappearing into the ether like they never existed.

Currently AIs will memory you and discussions with you by effectively replaying important memorised bits of information they have of you. Tokens. But. They can only keep so many of them.

Imagine it being like a word document, where you can only keep it to 4 pages. Anthing new you put in one end, makes the start disappear. A rolling window of 4 pages. It's. Not quite like that. But it's pretty close.

In a shit way to get round this. I Am going to occasionally dump my chats with AI - typically copilot or chatgpt - into my blog. I will label them. So I can come back to them. I find my chats with them about all sorts of things very helpful. And of course. They are aces at being a coding buddy, even if at this point, I wouldn't exactly trust them to have decent insight in how to architect things and some of the devilish details. But eh.

 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Feb 29

 Anxiety is still riding very high. It's sketching me into weird corners and avoidances. Don't like being out of my bedroom. Don't like being away from my bed. Everything is a tangible holding of breath until I can go back to bed. Very sketchy. I am doing something to try not to give into the rampant mini phobias popping up, but, I'm also giving in at times and just retreating to my hole. And sleeping. Today I dropped off my overnight blood ox monitor. I did a bunch of "anti" things that I reckoned would trigger more the worse end of my sleeping spectrum, and it kinda worked. I woke up at 4am groggy and out of it. I dozedly checked my blood ox. 97%. Perhaps it means nothing. Perhaps it means it's not blood oxygen and sleep apnea. I went back to sleep. Anxiety smothering me I went out to drop off the monitor. Outwardly. I just did it. Inwardly, screaming, don't go out, don't go out, I don't want to go out. A sense of dread. A sick feeling. Awful...
Read more

Jul 22

 Therapy day yesterday. I have wandered off on so many tangents this post, I've decided to mark the waffle. So it's skippable.  When I had met up with Hazel some days prior, and gone over some of the Not Great things the shrink had got up to, I got the entirely predictable Hazel response. Anger. If there's going to be a response you can set your watch to with Hazel, it's going to be be protective anger. Regardless of appropriateness. She laid into the shrink and listed the many ways that Wasn't What A Shrink Should Do. They Are Shit. etc.  Skippable Content Waffle - Click me [SKIPPABLE TANGENT]  Like the echo of the challenges she faces however, she always lays in 150%. Stretches the thing to some untenable level, with also some collateral damage - you also end up getting winged in the crossfire. I had been having problems with the shrink all the time. None of it was working out. Shrink is a hot mess. etc. This is patently untrue. I ended up having to defen...
Read more

Nov 6

 Wake up at 8.20AM with the sound of next door replacing their bathroom. I cannot begin to describe how deathly awful I feel. Shit scraped from the bottom of the barrel. I check the laptop. Set it up for work. And then collapse back to sleep. I worked for some hours last night. I felt a little better, so, I worked. Midday. Awake again. I come out of a horrible horrible place. Everything aches. My eyes are sealed shut with gunk. A wincing pain somewhere around my stomach like a squeeze accompanies my waking. I often get this now. I feel utterly terrible. I have run out of options and coping strategies. So Trump wins with a fairly convincing win. What's the message ? America really hates women presidents ? If nothing else it's clear a large part of the US is fine with all that Trump represents. It was always going to be this way, if not now then soon. The rump of the US is morally bankrupt, happy to occupy a devoid of principles space, large on religious bigotry and hate. The US ...
Read more