Dec 18

 Crash has come in pretty hard.

Today has been a wipe out. Nausea is back. On the down low. But oddly. It's still enough to wipe out any sense of stability or appetite or motivation. I have my anti nausea strap on. So. I don't know. Maybe that's taking the edge of the feeling off, if not the actual consequences.

Zero energy today. I have slept through most of it. Popped up to play a single game with a friend. And then back down into the swamp.

As my friend noted. Have you crashed yet. 

Yes.

To be expected.

Yes. It is. And it isn't. Intellectually I get it. But everytime it happens I find myself with mild bewilderment. What's going on. Why do I have no energy. Why do I feel so shit. Why am I sleeping so much. It's a lesson I can't seem to truly come to terms with. It's worse when you've had a bit better of a period before it. The contrast is sharper.

My friend called it very human.

I have just about managed to test the car today. To see if its functioning. It is. But. I have been such a wipeout. I have not got round to cancelling the appointment with the dealership. Tomorrow. Hopefully. I am up in a good enough state during business hours.

A package arrived today. Mid crash. I stumbled and weaved to the door, just aware enough to receive a package.

It's a brand new Commodore 64. Old school 8 bit computing. Never had one as a kid. The story behind them is convoluted. But an enthusiast now owns the company. And for the first time in forever. New commodore 64 have rolled off the production line.

It's almost certainly a waste of money. And. Something I could - and have - easily done through emulators. Pointless. But. Still. I don't know. The thing itself. Tactile. Tangible. I have filled a bit of my childhood in perhaps. Who knows. Regardless. I was happy to support the guy in his endeavours to bring the old beast back to life.

I haven't opened it. Or done anything with it. But put it on the sofa. And gone back to bed.

If I get some energy in the coming days. I will have a look see. 

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