Jan 29

 Ironic. Today I've had a migraine. Perhaps something in me knew the oncoming signals from a lot further out. Yesterday felt migraine adjacent. Today was absolutely migraine. But. Not my usual pattern. This was low and slow, I anticipated it, protective. But this was low and slow. And did not resolve after 4 hours. It has stuck around for a long time. A very very slow burnout. My head is woozy and laggy. Dizzy. Hearing in my right side has noticeably deadened. And tinnitus is at its highest squeal.

The the ill malaise has persisted. Today has ended up being as bad as yesterday. And worse in places.

I tried playing a game this evening. Made it for all of an hour. Had to tap out.

I have belatedly eaten. It has not done me any favours.

Perhaps I have picked something up, some winter cold or the like to overlay ontop of the riot of my bullshit.

Perhaps not.

Today has been spent mostly curled in a ball again. This evening is forced into a defensive ball. Asleep for the most part. I come up for air here and there. 10 minutes at a time. Sample the state. Terrible. Forces me to retreat.

What a jolly state.

The tiniest of silver linings. Is that I am being pushed so low. I don't have any choices at all. A lack of choices is freeing in the smallest possible respect. It is awful to be there. At least I'm not having to decide how best to handle it. I only have one choice.

The thought sits in the back of my head.

Just. Fucking. Fail. Already. And let me die. 

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