Apr 2

 Some work tasks stacked up this week. Cold or no. I am for the most part, ignoring it. In one breath I can say, hey, not acceptable. And in the next. Can you do this. Can you do that.

Heh.

Sigh.

It's fine. Just. I need to manage it. No. Not now. I will do it later. Boundaries.

Still have a bad cold. Whether this is par for the course for this cold iteration, or, its taking forever to shift because I have a shitty baseline is hard to say. I am not stressing it. Sleeping a lot when I need it. Taking it easy. Trying not to find things to be anxious about.

Heating install has been cancelled again. Was supposed to be next week. I've agreed to postpone again.

To be very clear I am not annoyed or frustrated by this. If anything slightly relieved - it means I get space for my cold without having to fuck about. Also. I trust the heating firm lined up to do the work. The owner is a genuinely lovely guy. Very apologetic. And does give me outs each time - I could put my foot down. But he's genuine. I can see that. And people have emergencies. I get that. And I can wait. So it's all good. Genuinely. There is zero need to be an asshat about it.

I have the tiniest of hope that being a decent patient understanding person in public to others will maybe, sometimes, or just once. Reciprocate that onwards.

It is the opposite of being an ass to everyone, and then everyone else in turn being an ass to others.

I know this works. In both directions. But not in equal amounts. But it still exists.

So. Patience. And kindness. And who knows. The world may shift, infinitesimally towards a more positive state. And if doesn't. Nothing lost. At least I was that way.

The heating guy was very apologetic. He wanted to tell me via phone call because it was a break of honour. I figured why he was calling. I reassured him it was fine. But then to reduce his anxiety more I said it was of benefit to me, as I was feeling particularly ill. So he had done me a favour.

Psychologically. That will tend to release people from their guilt loop. Because they stop thinking of it as a fault. And start viewing it as a boon.

Enough writing.

I am off back to bed to nurse my shitty cold.