Apr 9
Goddamn I feel ill. Cold is still lingering, and weirdly, seems to have rallied a bit. Yesterday I felt properly flu ridden. Whether that's cold, or the usual suspect CFS nonsense that sometimes feels that way. I dunno. I have a cough. Which. Implies the cold is still around.
Ugh.
I hate being me. Just. Being awake. Is horrible. You can't even sit still. It's not even a case of can't do anything - you pretty much can't. You can't even do nothing without feeling shit. It means reality is.. not good. There is no reset. There's no point where you can just sit, drop everything and feel normal. There's always a grip around you. Clenched in a fist wrapped around you.
All you can do is endure it. Try and distract if you have the capability to do that - often not the case. The distraction effort itself becomes an issue. Or. You nope out. Opt for oblivion in sleep. Where most of it can go away for a time. If you're lucky.
I suspect I need a dose of hydration salts. It's very peculiar what they are doing. Eventually I start to feel it in my eyes. My eyes become punchy and get worse black rings if I don't have them. Odd. Because. It's not like I am not drinking. Some days I think I even get a decent amount of salt in my diet. But. I dunno. Something about the hydration salts in particular. Perhaps the right kind of salt. Who knows. And it's a management strategy. Not a cure. It helps. A little. With some of it. Sometimes.
Hmm. Let's ask the smart machines.
1) It’s not just salt — it’s absorption dynamics
Hydration salts (oral rehydration solutions, even mild ones) are doing something quite specific:
- They contain sodium + glucose (and often potassium) in a particular ratio
- This activates the sodium-glucose co-transport mechanism in the gut
That mechanism:
- pulls sodium into the bloodstream
- and drags water with it efficiently
👉 Plain water:
- can pass straight through you (especially if autonomic regulation is off)
👉 Salt in food:
- is slower, inconsistent, and depends on digestion timing
👉 Hydration salts:
- actively increase fluid absorption into blood volume
So even if you think you’re getting enough salt + water, you may not be retaining it intravascularly.
2) Blood volume vs total body water (this is the big one)
In conditions like CFS/POTS, a common issue is:
- low effective circulating blood volume
- even if total body water is “normal”
So:
- You can be “hydrated” in a general sense
- but still have insufficient blood volume reaching brain/organs
Hydration salts help because:
- sodium helps retain fluid in the vascular system
- instead of it leaking into tissues or being rapidly excreted
That “subtle daily decline” you’re noticing fits:
- gradual underfilling of the vascular system
- then a reset when you take salts
3) You’re probably underestimating intake (but not in the obvious way)
This isn’t just “drink more.”
Common hidden issues:
a) Salt intake is wildly variable
- One meal might be high salt, next two are low
- Modern diets can feel salty but still be inconsistent day-to-day
b) Water intake without electrolytes can dilute sodium
- Especially if you drink “a fair bit”
- Can make symptoms worse paradoxically
c) Timing matters
- Drinking throughout the day ≠ maintaining stable blood volume
-
Many people with dysautonomia need:
- front-loaded hydration (morning)
- consistent electrolyte intake
4) Potassium (and others) may be part of it
Hydration mixes often include:
- potassium
- sometimes magnesium
Even small amounts can:
- improve nerve signaling
- support vascular tone
- reduce that “wobbly system” feeling
If your diet is even slightly off here, the drink may be:
- quietly correcting a mild electrolyte imbalance
5) There’s also a control system effect
This part is subtle but important.
Your body normally regulates:
- blood pressure
- fluid balance
- vascular tone
In CFS/autonomic dysfunction:
- that system is noisy / unstable
Hydration salts may act like:
a stabilising input signal into a poorly regulated system
So the benefit isn’t just chemical — it’s system-level stabilisation.
6) Why it feels like a “drift downward”
What you’re describing:
“a subtle decline every day I don’t specifically have a hydration salt drink”
That’s very characteristic of:
- slow plasma volume depletion
- reduced cerebral perfusion over time
- accumulating autonomic strain
Then:
- salts → rapid improvement → “ah, there it is”
So what are you missing?
Most likely not one single thing, but a combination of:
✔️ Efficient sodium + water absorption (biggest factor)
✔️ Consistent sodium levels (not just average intake)
✔️ Proper fluid retention in bloodstream
✔️ Possibly potassium balance
✔️ Better timing/structure of intake
Practical interpretation (without overcomplicating)
Your body might effectively be saying:
“I don’t just need hydration — I need structured hydration.”
Which is different from:
- “drink when thirsty”
- “eat normal salt”
Uh huh. Ok. That makes sense. The right balance of things. Propping up a shitty system.
I need to get out, get some groceries, pick up some more hydration salts.
I currently feel like absolute shit and will crash if I do that.
Marvellous.
I had a long cold soft check of myself this morning. Is this worth it. I feel like shit. This is wrong. That's off. I went around and catalogued the current alarm lights. The overall feel. It isn't worth it. I rated it. Is today worth ending it ? Is this enough to end it ? Or just grit your teeth ? I debated it. There is - possibly - an inevitability that it's not if but when. Do you ride it down to the bitter end. Or do you choose to jump before being pushed. I'm not sure I entirely know when that day is - if for nothing else it's not a smooth line of progression. It can dip hard, come back up, dip hard. It's not the average that counts. It's the dip. And rationally the overall projection. Going up ? Going down ? Maintaining ?
Exhausted out thinking about it. I can't handle much load today.
I can say that I am more than ready to die. Echoing both my parents words. I understood what they meant when they said it. Now. I feel it. There is it seems a timer. Perhaps not for everyone. But there's a timer that accumulates and a creeping sense of, oh, ok, this is enough. Perhaps in a perfect system, where you don't accumulate shit, physical, psychological, that sense doesn't come into play. Or maybe it does. Maybe time alone starts to weigh. An accumulation of debt. Regardless. I think in the end this is just the slow death by a thousand cuts reduction in quality of life. Easy. When you are young. Thoughtless. Automatic. Perpetual. As time passes. It gets harder.
I need to take it easy today. When do I not.
Hate it.
Weather has shifted. Warm. I think it's not doing me any favours at all. Stressing my shitty autonomic system trying to manage heat. I feel like I need an ice bath. And we're not even at Summer yet.
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