Sep 1

 Things are difficult. Difficult above the usual difficult.

The tinnitus is much worse.

It has been getting worse for a few months. This last week. Worst of all.

Loud. Above the TV. Above a game. Above everything. A constant squeal. That is impossible to ignore.

I have used a fan for years at this point as a source of whitenoise in my bedroom. The tinnitus now drowns it out.

It is. Adding. More pressure. To a pretty grim existence.

No peace.

Not sure. How long I can put up with it. And everything else.

It has definitely pushed me into a much more final dark place. There is no escape.

I have heard a long time ago that tinnitus can drive people crazy at its worst. I understood that in theory at one point. Now I get it in practice.

Perhaps. I just need to wait it out. Let my brain. Acclimatise to the new awful level its at. If it can.

Perhaps related. Perhaps not. The tingles in the left side of my face have crept back in. A few ants dancing on my face at times. Perhaps it is a sign something is not right. 

Perhaps I should look at getting a louder white noise generator. The problem is its a high pitched squeal which reaches over white noise. 

How much shit do you have to put up with before it's too much is the question. It often sits in my head. 

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