Bork Slowly Borking

 Today a kick ass migraine crept up on me. It's been a while since I've had a real bad one, and this one, was a good old school, you're going to die this time, migraine. One where the basic functioning of your nervous system goes really haywire. Got up, not too bad, streamed a little, got up to make lunch, watched some tv whilst lunch cooked. And got a headache. An ache over the right eye ( uh oh ). Just a headache. I thought. So I turned off the tv and napped. This, was a mistake. Somewhere in my dreams I had a piercing pain in my head. I woke up. To a nail driven in over my right eye, radiating across my forehead to the left. Uhh. This. Uh. Feels like a migraine ? But without a lot of the other bullshit around it ? 5 minutes later, the other bullshit turned up. The pain went from horrifying to off the scale. As is the way, I broke out into a massive involuntary sweat all over. Pouring sweat, dripping down my face. Niiicce. At the same time, your body feels icy cold. Becau...

 Two days of work are done. Andy has offered - if I want to - to continue working today and get paid overtime. Uh huh. A bit of money would be cool. But then again. This is the point of what I'm doing. Just enough money ish to tick over. And sort my shit out. I don't want to lean into just doing more shit because it's relatively easy to do. Medium and long term it does me zero favours, is actually bad for me and not where I want to go. Also overtime is not an incentive to me per se. Time is. I dont doubt that Andy would pay overtime rate as normal time. And I'd get no extra vacation days or yada either. In other words, a good deal for Andy. A bad one for me. As bad as all that sounds, I am pretty sure he doesn't think on that level at all. It's just shit needs doing, I have my concentration on it, just keep going. I can understand from the outside you could frame it way more coldly than that. But pretty sure it's not. Of course. The upshot is the same. All y...

 I can feel a tug on me the last few days, the slope has stopped going up, and is now going down. I am of course, ignoring it and hoping it just goes away. The mornings have been ropier. I can feel it when I get up. A good deal more rough. An extended period of nausea. A longer time to right the ship. Eh, pfft, meh. I have still not quite got my mojo back from my recent crash into the bottom. I am lacking motivation to do much of anything. Ironically, I feel like wanting to do something when I start to doze off. I could do this, or that. And then fall asleep. When I awake, the reality of pushing through the layers of fog and shit means that I do nothing and all motivation disappears. The nausea is a real killer for that too. It flicks a switch into survival mode. The whole leave me alone I'm going to puke. Eh well. On reflection I think overall, very long term, I have got a bit better again. My stamina is definitely up. I am now doing, gasp, sometimes a couple of active things in a...

 Had a good day yesterday. A little nausea that shifted. Chilled out. Went swimming. Didn't collapse afterwards. In fact I did a short grocery shop afterwards in a cloud of pool chlorine. Today I feel somewhat rough. Deeper nausea today. So. The pattern seems to have shifted. Now I am getting nausea which has zero to do with what I'm eating - with the proviso that I am only eating what I know is largely safe for me. Now the nausea comes often a short while after I wake up. And sometimes in the afternoon. Perhaps this is just the rise and fall of my internal hunger, and my stomach getting more... acidy. Nevertheless. Shit clearly aint right. But. It's largely tolerable at the moment, although very far from good. At least at the moment, the nausea does seem to shift after.. a while. It does rather lead you back to the whole - the medical profession literally doesn't give a shit however. Clearly a problem. Clearly persistent. Eh. Have you tried just fucking off and not bo...

 Queasiness has been ghosting with me every day. Not as bad as it has been, but, enough. Enough to kill appetite, stomp on motivation to do shit all except feel ill and do little. Meh. Mentally I am just about holding the line. Some days are better. Some days are worse.  All in all I am above water. Had a hella long walk on Monday, 7km with the Athena. With plenty of water dips along the route. It was too long really. Too long for her. Definitely too long for me. Afterwards I had a lot of real bruised up muscles in all sorts of funny places ( one on my hip bizarrely ), but eh, I was out walking with friends. Me and Athena both limped around in the afternoon, but she was fine by the evening. Me. I'm still carrying the aches more than 2 days later. Hazel pinged me this week. Not doing good. Altercations with her neighbours. Isolated. Hot. Miserable. So we went out for a walk this evening. Or rather a visit to the dog park. She likes going there and meeting all the other dogs. No...

 And just like that, I run face first into a shit day. I am still mulling over exactly what happened, and how, if at all, it fits into the bigger picture. The morning started lacking in energy, but eh, ok. By midday I felt.. off. Queasy. Weak. By the early afternoon I had a suspect headache, my legs were wobbly, queasy, just not all there at all. Really. Fucking. Ill. It had a very familiar feel to it. I went and had a nap. Which didn't do much at all. Then I ate. Which didn't seem to do much at all. I napped again. And slowly and surely the headache shifted by about 6pm, my symptoms lifted, and I felt.. back to ballpark reasonableness. I'm not sure what to make of it. It had the same feel to a lot of the stuff I've been suffering in the last year and more. It's appearance and disappearance were quite... stark. Switch on. Switch off. Perhaps it's not. Perhaps it's just a threshold thing, when it gets bad enough it's debilitating. When it's not I can ...

 Cooled significantly today. It was 40C according to the car on Monday. Today it reported 21C. An insane difference in 72 hours. Athena was full of beans this morning. Tired of sitting indoors. Bouncy. Eager. Ok ok. So first thing, after a 10 minute sit down to properly wake up, I took her out for a walk. Very happy about it. All bounces and running around. Crazy old lady. Yaayyy we get to go out. Yes, because its not insane temperature outside. Athena does not care the reason. Lets goooo. We had a nice walk, several dips in the river, and she behaved as an exemplary older citizen around all the pooches we crossed paths with. One was courteous enough to keep her young bouncy dog away from Athena. She commented Athena was old, but how old. Past 12 and a half. Ohh. You've done very well to get her that far ! Uh huh. She's doing well. Past her warranty. Still going. We walked a fair bit. Tired when I got home. Had a nap. Then went for a swim in the afternoon. Somewhat taking the p...