Bork Slowly Borking

 The Gods smile on me. The never ending game of boon and curse continues, yesterday, the heating fixed itself. Or rather fixed the major fuckery that was wrong with it. In reality there's a very rational explanation for it. The small bit of blockage - rust - that was fucking things up has likely finally dislodged and now everything is running again. At least thats my theory. Still. Always happy to take a boost from supernatural sponsors nudging reality in my favour. I should probably make the effort to double check the procedure for draining down a central heating system, do so, and then refill it with some rust inhibitor again. Because surprise. Steel radiators rust. I know. Shocking news. It also occurred to me that I am sick of stupid shitty devices that have no standards, are caked in arcane bullshit, but in actuality are simple that you have to pay an arm and a leg for someone who has briefly been educated in the ways of Bullshit to fix it. At expense. Absolute nonsense. I am ...

 Tired this week. Sleeping later. Tired earlier. I think the toll of everything has just been a bit higher, and I've also been super busy, either at work, or doing the social rounds / help. Got a call from Hazel on Sunday, not doing good. She had got involved in a nasty altercation in her building the night before, some physical stuff - pinned against the wall, kicked in the chest, arm locked, lots of stress and shouting, the end result was that one of her neighbours got carted off by the police. And then promptly released the next day as the police said they didn't think they could get a conviction. All of which rattled Hazel. Understandably. So I was out with one friend, and then hot footed it over to spend the afternoon walking with Hazel. Long day. I have expressed worry to Hazel before now about her proclivities to either start fights or get involved in them. Whilst sometimes her motivations are noble - her anger issues and the like means that she is never in a position to...

 A bunch of articles and stuff on long covid has been finding me of late. Yesterday I read a long article about it that focused on the brain fog associated with it. That again, the science behind it is unequivocably proven - brain shrinkage, inflammation, fucksyouproper, but also the anecdotal stories of individuals and their experiences living through it. One of them explained what she called the "So, yeah", syndrome, where she would get half way through a sentence, lose track of what she was saying and just say, So yeah. Frequently. My brain fog is for the most part gone. But I can remember what it was like, and their accounts are very familiar. The time when I would sit with Hazel and not really be able to keep up with her conversation. You'd have to concentrate. And by the time some kind of words had formed to say something, the moment was long gone. Like living somewhere with an enormous time lag in communications. The same thing on the TV. Watching a quiz show. Keep...

 Today has hit like a very very slow truck. Like slowly. Inching over you. And crushing you beneath its weight. Nausea. Ill. Tired. All round yuck. I gritted my teeth and took the girls out for a walk however. Gotta say, the walk was hard. Not enjoyable. It was a thing. Do it. Do it. Come on. The girls loved it. Splashing around. Running around. All the smells. Jumping on me. A good thing. Hazel was thankful that I got Poppy out for the walk. How you doing she said. I grimaced. A hard walk. You should have left it she said. Eh, pfft. I dropped Poppy off back at hers and went home. So yeah. Today. Big oof. Two things. Last night I decided to treat myself to something to eat. A burrito. I love burritos. But I have sworn off them for sometime now because of the Hidden Spice. But eh. How bad can it be. Had a lovely burrito. Whilst eating it, somewhere near the bottom, ooh thats spicy. Oh no. Was that a Jalapeno ? Ah. Pfft. Delicious. I told Dan I treated myself to something nice to eat...

 It has to be said the last few days I have been in a "mood". Unhappy. Toying with being depressed. Somewhat lethargic. A skull full of cotton wool at times. A thundercloud in my head - literally. A weird foggy grumbly head, possibly down to serotonin issues of my being hap hazard with my mental pills of late. I think this is the outer edges of being properly depressed. But not entirely disappearing beyond the event horizon. Orbiting the singularity if you will. I think the whole Mood of Sunday has stuck with me. Monday. Tuesday. Wednesday. It doesn't help that on Monday when I wanted to get out and do stuff I couldn't. Locked in a gilded prison of the Queens funeral. So no outlet there. I have consciously not taken out my shitty mood on anyone. I am dissatisfied with the world. With me. With the house. With life. I am in no mood to be happy clappy or put up with peoples fuckery. But. Nevertheless. I try. And dont take it out on anyone. But I am subdued and disincline...

 Tricky day yesterday. Let's just get right to it. I had a serious knock to my faith in humanity. Not because someone was an asshole or treated me wrong. Just. Because. People are people. It came on long and slow. After a chat with a friend. I became slowly more frustrated, disappointed, disillusioned. All those words. And then some. It really knocked me off my zen perch. I went for a walk later on with Hazel. She asked if I was ok. Ehhh yeahhh, mehhh. Convincing she said. I let it out. She understood. Very frustrating. She also said you know how this goes. I do. Here's the thing. I think - at this point in time I have a pretty good grasp of People. Interally inconsistent. Many voices arguing cross points. The consistency you largely get on the outside is a disciplined manufactured piece of content and belies the inner debate. Belies the sometimes mood swings or strength of counter arguments and the like. And none of it has to make sense it just is. I want a donut. No, do not ...

 Whoosh 4 days go past. Work was meh this week. Again. Kinda getting into a routine where the 2 days I do are hardcore, busy, difficult, frustrating or all of the above. There's less time to smell the roses and I suspect the impact will be I enjoy the work less. Allergies have kicked in hardcore, runny sneezy nose, itchy eyes, itchy palate, wheezy chest, bleh, some really shitty days, and of course, it has been raining almost continually. The rain it seems is no longer my friend. At least. This year. After a super hot and dry period ? But on the whole I'm still doing good. Had a bit of a blip yesterday, the general malaise was back a touch, my mood also went down, some nausea. Uh huh. The fascinating thing is how much of a difference it makes. It's like switching the lights off. I go from being capable to being incapable. It's a shocking contrast and really very peculiar, this isn't your oh I feel tired, or oh I ache a bit. This is like hitting a wall at 50mph. With...