Bork Slowly Borking

 Ok, I have no idea. I switched all my crap off at 10pm last night, feeling slightly nauseous and blurp and yuck. I ordered a pizza. Because fuck it. And. I have learned. This nausea feel like shit thing is more of a ... life ... thing... as opposed to a, ooh, a two day blip in a sea of otherwise months of normality. I have stopped it from... stopping what I am doing. Ish. And eating around it seems to give inconclusive results at best. To add insult to injury I also ordered a coke zero. Doubly whammy. Caffeine - not what I am used to - and garbage food late at night. Hopped back on to stream a game with friends despite feeling ill. Because. Again. Fuck it. I did tell one of them I was feeling blegh. So. Yeah. Mileage may vary. Stuffed my face with pizza. Drank gassy caffeine coke. Chatted. And felt better. No nausea. -_- What ? This morning. I still feel ok. Not 100%. But much better. I have absolutely no clue what's going on. My wisdom would tell me eating like a dick on top of n...

 Blep Yesterday evening I had a bit of a wave of nausea. Mild. But. Definitely there. It went away. But eh. Today I woke up with my left ear blown out - volume at half, dizzy, feeling somewhat grotty, and meh. As the day wore on nausea flared up, the ache on the left side of stomach, and I started turning green. This old shit again. Tried sleeping some. Helped slightly. Tried eating. Helped slightly. Tried medicating. No help. Meh. I have run around today largely ignoring that I feel like shit and just got on with stuff. Played some games. Ran some chores. But my mood is definitely down. Patience is thin. And I am wavering between feeling mildly unwell to full on, jesus christ I feel properly lay down right now ill. Probably not helped by me pushing it. As I completed chores out and about today, my temperature spiked, shaky arms, shaky legs, nausea, screechy tinnitus, left side face tingles, bbblllleeeeghhhh. Meh.  So. Uh huh. Take it easy I suppose. And it should pass. Tried...

 Well, hasn't this week roared around. I didn't *quite* burn the candle at both ends last night. Thanks to a different friend noting he really really had to go to bed at a sensible time. I agreed. Heartily. So. We did that. Just about. The other friend although he didn't say much, was clearly keen to keep going. Ha ha. Back in December I noted I had a couple of judgements levelled on me, which, are always amusing because they clang so heavily against my own interpretation of self. They were, that I was a ridiculously social person, and that I looked nice. Whilst chatting a couple of days ago, I casually noted that I was a miserable, depressive, pessimistic type, and my friend, although he didn't super push back, was slightly taken aback and muttered good naturedly but didn't say shit. Yesterday, whilst talking about me to someone else, he stated that I am "the most positive person he knew". Which was clearly what he wanted to say the other day, but didn...

 Caught some zzz's after work yesterday, but they were heavy and soupy and not that beneficial. I have this thing now where it can take me up to an hour to recover from sleep. Brain is just muzzy, treacle filled, everything is off. Just one of my new normals. Despite this, I burned the candle at both ends again went to bed at 2.30am. This is not good for me. Whilst clearly it's my fault, it is also.. somewhat not my fault. Playing games with an enthusiastic friend that just wants to keep going. Which is nice. But. Heh. I can't keep up with my shitty constitution and am burning myself to keep going. Work was frustrating yesterday - not frustrating because of humans. In fact. As far as that goes, work is being very polite and good natured. Practically. Pleasant. The frustration was purely technical in nature. I have been struggling to get something that should "just work" to actually "just work" since before Xmas, and after most of another day wasted at th...

In my experience, one of the best bits of advice I've given myself and learned to do, is to take time to think things through. Sleep on it. Maybe several times. It always results in a more considered, wiser approach. Less up and down, zing, zang, at the mercy of a single emotion or direction, and more of a balanced whole. So saying. The future. Sleep on it. Wise monkey. Ooh ooh, ah ah. Screeech. I have been sleeping on it, and mulling it over, not panicking, take a breath. And of course, a fourth option has popped out of the woodwork. Not to say its amazingly clever. In fact it's really goddamn obvious. But then being a dumbass is part of the human experience. Ooh ooh, ah ah and all that. Poor hairless monkey barely out of the trees ( uhhh technically it's ape you see because... yeah yeah yeah , bite me ). The fourth option is to wait. Take a breath. Pause. No rush. Give everything space and time, and then reassess. There's a small risk here that the option of waiting ...

 Things, it would seem, are never plain sailing. Caught up with my friend who I am gonna be doing games with yesterday. Finally. He had had a pretty crappy Christmas, disappointments in those close to him, which, whilst he presents an unflappable character have whether he fully realises it or not, laid him pretty low. Possibly. Very *very * low. This is entirely uncharacteristic for him, and he has become to not put too fine a point on it, evasive, withdrawn, and subdued. In any one else I would give you high odds of something of a crisis going on. But he doesn't do crises. Or perhaps hasn't done them so far in the more than 35 years I've known him. The timing couldn't be worse, just as we are about to kick things in motion for something truly different, my friend is having a serious moment which unless I'm well off my mark is something of an existential crisis, rudderless, figuring out life, lack of self esteem, if not a dose of late blooming proper depression. I ...

 Well, tonights New Years Eve festivities have been derailed by Covid. Not me. But the host. Not a huge surprise to be honest given how rife Omicron is at the moment. And "All Going To Plan", which is to say let Omicron run wild and build a herd immunity to it as its farrrrr less onerous than the Covids That Have Come Before. The UK is I feel very well positioned for Omicron. So instead of festivities this evening I am chilling. Which. Honestly. I kinda prefer this evening given how "hectic" the rest of my week has been. Time to chill alone. Today has been positive. I know. Fuck me right. I am feeling upbeat and positive about the future. I am feeling.. not ill. *gasp*. Tired. But I am napping and resting. And. It's. Tickety boo at the moment. Or, at least, very copeable with. My creative juices are really beginning to bubble in the background. I want to do a bunch of stuff. My skills are not up to some of my ideas, but, it's good. I am eager to noodle, but,...