Bork Slowly Borking

 Article in the Times about yet another long covid research path going on. The long and short of it is, a covid infection can change the immune system and what genes it expresses, resulting in constant inflammation for at least a year after initial infection. In other words. After infection. Your immune system is then constantly triggering and spreading inflammation all around the body. By analyzing those stem cells, “what’s clear is that the immune system is fundamentally changed after a severe infection like COVID-19,” he says. These cells contain genetic changes that alter which genes they express, skewing them toward generating more inflammatory factors. The change lasts for at least a year following a severe COVID-19 infection. Since these stem cells are responsible for producing more copies of innate immune cells, the changes in the genes they express are carried over to the new generations of cells they make. When he studied the cells in a dish, Josefowicz found that...

Real bad health days. Went for a walk with the mutts in the early evening, recently rained, very humid, not hot. The air was thick with water vapour and forest rot and spores. I could feel it settling on my chest but thought nothing of it. That night. I was constantly pulled from sleep not being able to breathe. Asthma kicking in hard. In the end half asleep I did an old trick, and propped myself up slightly, and this was enough to let me sleep a little better. I haven't had to do that in 40 years. The last time it was that bad was when I was a kid, and one of those times, which, now, come to think of it mimics my recent day exactly, I nearly carked it. This was when they diagnosed that oh boy, I have asthma. Nearly dying from something tends to focus the minds of health care professionals. Sometimes. Back then I had gone to a botannical garden in Spain with my parents during the day. It was hot. And humid. And the air was filled with pollen. And thought little of it. Until at nigh...

 Imagine if IT had the same response as healthcare. Or, as I like to say, if I did my job the way healthcare professionals treat me, there would be two potential consequences. Either no one would have a decent computer system running anymore - they'd all be fucked. And or. I wouldn't have a job anymore because I'm basically not doing my expected job, just fobbing people off. Anywho. If IT were like healthcare. 1. You're Crazy  Oh. You have a problem with your PC ? Well. I've run an AV scan and it shows nothing. Have you considered that you might have a mental health issue ? I think you're imagining your computer not working. I will schedule you a visit to a therapist. 2. Don't bother me You're having trouble with your mobile phone ? Hmm. I suggest you drink lots of fluids, and if you're still having trouble with your mobile phone in 2 weeks, get back to us. Repeat this step as necessary. Indefinitely. 3. Ain't got time for that That does sound li...

 The days go past in a struggle. A few rare days are better. Some days just disappear. But I guess on the whole it's liveable with. New normal liveable. I once again find myself idly considering the differences between terrible days and less terrible days. The lack of easily identifiable patterns. But despite the incapability to find a smoking gun, the effects are obvious and dramatic. This Thursday for instance. I had worked the two prior days, tired, always tired. Went to sleep in the early hours of Thursday morning. And slept. And slept. And slept. I woke up at 3pm. A 12 hour sleep. Ate something. And collapsed back into exhaustion. And slept. 7.30pm. I woke up. Felt a little better. I had slept at this point for 15 hours. Just. Think about that for a moment. In a 24 hour day. Sleeping for 15 hours. And this is my normal for days that disappear. The next day was similar. I was awake for nine out of the 24 hours again. Another 15 hour sleep. This one split up a bit more. A good d...

 The last couple of days the deathgrip of the Chronic Fatigue Syndrome has slightly lessened, meaning I am not spending almost all the hours of the day lost to oblivion. Which is nicer. But it's on a knife edge. I can stand up. Do something for literally 2 minutes. And it dips. Wham. Part of me still thinks it's a cardio issue. Not calcified arteries - which they checked for. But some other problem. Inflammation. Glooping up. Something. Who knows. Just. Leave it. Stop trying to chase your tail and find a solution you can't get to without the help of tests and specialists and a methodical approach to your healthcare. Which we know is never going to happen. I will say the headaches have been near continual over the last several weeks. Frontal lobe grumbling around, one side or the other. And the left side of my face has been on a real tear as well over the last few weeks. A lot of tingling and ant crawling. Something it would seem is not happy. A little background reading of ...

 CFS has been majorly kicking my ass lately. Wiping days out and pulling me down into exhausation - alarmingly at all points during the day and evening. This week I pootled around with work until a scheduled release of a system during the middle of the week, and then, suddenly, things popping up our lead dev couldn't deal with, and just like that, I am working through til midnight again. Eh. It was ok. And work is evolving into me being way more hands off. But it's apparent there are still plenty of gaps there. I'm sure they will get covered. The exhaustion and brain draining is alarming. Thursday, Friday, Saturday were all wipe out days for me. Thursday I roused myself to go out in the evening for dinner with Hazel, her dad and nephew. But either side of this I collapsed. Sunday was a little better. A little. Until I had to go shopping. And within 5 minutes of doing that I crashed hard. Came home. Fell into a non restful sleep for 3 hours. Got up. Felt exhausted. Struggled...

 Had a pretty good weekend all in all. Staved off exhaustion. Didn't hurt too much. Noodled around. But then I feel guilty. About not doing much when I feel a bit better. A wasted opportunity to do things. I put up with it. But it nags at me. As a couple of better days drift past, my hilarious sub conscious decides to torment me and turn my dreams into sadness and longing and grief. Sigh. There are repeating trends with them. Unhelpful parents - but my mom is still around. Combative relationship with my dad. Ares that occasionally pops by. And a shifting girlfriend type figure that is never the same thing twice, but always centers on it slipping through my fingers. A deep connection. And they are comfortable and happy and then skit away from me. Which in one way or another has been if not always the thing, then often the thing with my relationships or near misses. I think one in particular was like that. Someone who couldn't commit because of fear of commitment. Fear of being v...

 Is it propaganda if it's true ? This article confirms what I already know to be true. Properly hang out with a mutt for a while. You'll feel it. https://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2023/08/03/1190728554/dog-pet-mental-health-benefits?ft=nprml&f=191676894

 The days are zipping by. Mostly living in a state of pretty hard meh, aches, pains, at times forcing me into bed and sleep. And pootling around when I can, which is to say, getting up, mooching about the house and returning to bed. Today I made it out to give Athena a walk. Which wasn't terrible. Wasn't great. Wasn't terrible. I realised on the walk around the forest that I just put up with a constant background scream of terrible now, and that it's a good day when I actually have some space not to be entirely distracted by how terrible I'm feeling right at that moment. But even then. Like today. My head spins the entire walk. My eyes feel "off". Like everything has a "screen lag" of half a second. And I get waves of feeling ill and needing to stop and sit. But. In places I can actually take a moment to look at a tree. Or a bit of grass. It is fleeting. But. I can take in some what of I am walking around. Once upon a time it was not like this. I...

 One better day, one meh day. The better day was nice. I didn't feel entirely exhausted, and wasn't in a lot of pain. The day after, eh, meh, yeah. Middling for both. And headaches all round regardless of the day. I've also realised I do better with distractions. It doesn't actually make me feel better. But it can, depending on the wind strength and direction, distract me from feeling like shit enough that it's ok. Sometimes of course, all bets are off. Ho hum. My sister called off the visit last minute. Bad weather was due she said. So. Not coming. Fair enough. Today the weather is grey. Not rainy. Not cold. Just grey. I think it would have been fine to be honest, but, you can never tell with the rainy weather at the moment, so, I get it. And honestly, I was relieved she called off the visit. Given my run of bad days lately I am behind on everything, and not having to cope with my sister and sister in law visiting was a burden lifted from me. I am instead free to c...