Bork Slowly Borking

 Bad nausea and all sorts yesterday. It seems my entire gastro system is now in revolt. I ended up in bed by 8.30pm feeling pretty bad, but good enough to try to sleep. I struggled with the NHS during the day. I haven't phoned a GP at the usual mass crush 8am in the morning in years. It was pointless a decade ago. Nothing has changed. I got through at 8.05am. Oh we dont have any appointments. Uh huh. Ok. We'll pass your request onto a doctor to triage and get back to you. Uh huh. Whatever. Eventually they got back to me, an appointment next week. Of course. I took it without complaint. What else am I going to do. Today I have tried eating really lightly to try to head off any kind of triggering nausea, bloating, or the like. Played some games, didn't feel terrible, but by mid afternoon the nausea was rising. Probably because I hadn't eaten. Tried eating the smallest thing I could. Was ok. For about 20 minutes. Ho hum. This evening I have given up. And stuffed my face. K...

 A rough night. Felt nauseous throughout the night, slept through most of it, but always there. Woke up early feeling utterly shit, still nauseous. A large part me these days is immensely disappointed when I wake up to a new day. There is, perversely, something of a comfort when I finally sleep that that is going to be my last. Super not good. But it is where I am. I genuinely just don't want to be here. Nevertheless. Here I am today. Much joy. I didn't eat today. The nausea kept me from eating. And I didn't want to eat anything and set the whole cycle off again. So I had a tea. And stumbled into play some games to keep my mind off everything. At some point in the middle of the day the nausea lifted enough to be not terrible. It never goes away fully. It just goes down to a .. discomfort. Which it did. And of course. Immediately. Hungry. No shit. Still. I didn't eat. I didn't want to set it off. But. The reverse. If I don't eat. I'll get worse anyway. Ho hum...

 Nausea has kicked in hard the latter half of today. It has gone from a problem, to a real problem. If I eat anything it makes it worse, feel bloated, sluggish and sick. It is now midnight. Exhausted. Black eyes. And nausea. Eh. So tired. I should chase the GPs. Not sure I have the energy. I have limped to the bathroom ready for bed. I am always surprised how low I can go without tapping out completely. Like some horrible endurance race. I shuffled through the kitchen. My mood firmly planted in the end of things. The light at the end of my tunnel is oblivion. Well. At least, maybe, the suffering will end ? Hum ho. Time for sleep. I don't want to wake up again. Let today be the last day. Please.

 Nausea for most of the day yesterday. I couldn't concentrate on shit. So work went by the wayside. Today is a similar story, less nausea, but feel ill and exhausted. This shit is why I doubt whether I can keep work up. Trying to clear some hours of feeling better in a day to do something like work can be super hard. Ho hum. Nephew is not doing great. A continuance. I haven't checked into mental well being charities and the like for him - barely have the energy, and when I have had a little, I've either put it into work, or dropping things off for people. He definitely needs help, and it sucks that I am at such a low ebb that doing that is hard. I am burning out a bit at the moment. Been doing too much. On the other hand. I'm not the only person in the world here that could help him. Why is it just my fucking shoulders it sits on. But this is the way of the world I find. You either do it yourself, or nothing ever gets done. It is one of my frustrations with people. Lif...